Escuela Preparatoria 13

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One of the benefits of having a girlfriend is the advantage you have when it comes to insider information of the opposite sex.  My girlfriend Sabrina hosts these bi-weekly nights at her apartment with her lady friends and she likes to call it “Wine and Whines” or as I simply like to refer to it as  ”hens in a sewing circle” night.

These lushes ladies get together and drink wine while whining about their boyfriends.  So being the dick that I am, I decided to crash one of these nights and to my surprise, they actually welcomed me in–hoping that I would give them the inside scoop of the male psyche.

After hearing unnecessarily explicit and dirty details of their sex lives, (I now know one of Sabrina’s friends gets orgasmic feelings when she squishes water in between her toes with flip flops on.—I know WTF.) they finally took a break from traumatizing me and told me the problems with their love lives.

One girl was complaining that her boyfriend is always bugging her for sex and another girl was crying over her recent ex-boyfriend and was afraid that he was having sex with someone else.

Considering I was very drunk off “Skinny Girl Martinis,” it was a bad idea to be giving dating advice.

I asked the first girl point blank how many times a week does she have sex with her boyfriend.  She said maybe once or twice a week and I replied, “Well no sh*t! I would complain too.”

The other girl asked me if I thought her ex was sleeping with someone else and I said drunkenly, “Well, has it been more than a week?”

She then burst out in drunken tears and then Sabrina banished me back to my apartment.

As I stumbled my way home back to my apartment, I couldn’t help but think about how women are sometimes naive when it comes to a man’s sexual needs. Sure, I lacked tact when responding to these girls, however I do believe when it comes to this touchy subject, it should lack the sugar coating women are used to.

By knowing when a man will seek out sex, you can save your relationship and sanity and I’m here to reveal when those times are.

Read the following sex facts and I apologize in advance if I offend anyone:

1. Men Will Seek Out Sex One Week After A Breakup

I know that you ladies don’t want to hear this, but I don’t care how nice your ex was, how many tears were shed between the both of you during your breakup, after a week, he is thinking about f*cking someone else. Let’s face it: an underlying issue with breakups is the fact that most guys don’t like to admit why they want to break up and one of the biggest reasons is because they’re not ready to settle down—by settle down, I mean settling down in ONE person’s bed.  So even though he may not have sex one week after breaking up with you (probably due to the fact his sprouting breakup beard deterred other ladies), it doesn’t mean he won’t try.

2. A Man Will Seek Out An Affair If You Haven’t Had Sex With Him In 3 Months

Again, this is another one you probably don’t want to hear and you also probably won’t want to hear that only very committed men will wait three months.  In order to maintain a healthy relationship, a couple should be having sex at LEAST once a week.  So, if a season actually passes between the last time you had sex with your boyfriend or husband, please know that he is seeking it elsewhere.  Human nature may be selfish but it inhabits us all.

3. A Man Will Seek Out Sex With His Girlfriend Every 72 Hours

Do you always wonder why your boyfriend gets antsy and irritable when he doesn’t get laid at least every 3 days? It’s not because he’s a whiny douche,(well–maybe he is) but rather that men actually have physical and hormonal needs during sperm production and typically if you are in a relationship, a man craves your body like a smoker craves nicotine.  If you wait more than three days, don’t be surprised to see that he is in a cranky mood.

4. A Man Will Seek Out Sex Three Minutes After He Drank Three Whiskeys

Apparently the more you drink, the more your brain’s neurological structure gets rewired to crave drinks. It also causes something called “disinhibition”  and guaranteed if a guy has drank more than three whiskeys, guaranteed he’s thinking of getting some

5. A Man Will Seek Out Sex In A Relationship One Day After Your Period

There are a few times when a man can’t seek out sex every three days and that’s usually when the PMS BEAST has consumed his girlfriend or when she menstruating.  Typically, a man will impatiently seek out sex twenty fours after the last day of your cycle to avoid the whole “rust issue.”